July 23, 2015

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

No, my husband and I are not breaking up....just want to put that out there right off the bat.    But there is a breakup on the horizon and I'm just not sure how to handle it.  

I've been going to my hairdresser about 8 years now.   When I first started going to her, I loved everything she did to my hair....color, highlights, cut...you name it, I always got compliments and I was always able to fix it to my liking.    A year or so ago, things just didn't seem to be the same with the cut or style.    And I had to book my appointments 5 weeks in advance!   Now I'm not talking about a salon in a big city that would warrant that much ahead of time but the salon was a little bitty one in a small town...she had been doing hair for years and had a pretty good clientele but come on now....5 weeks every time?!    I had to drive about 20 miles from home to the salon.    Once I retired it wasn't a problem as I was able to go pretty much any time but it really irked me that I never felt I could cancel and/or re-book due to her "5 week" policy.    There were a few times I went not feeling well but was afraid I couldn't re-book soon thereafter so I'd just go ahead to my appointment.

My husband, daughter and granddaughter got tired of me complaining every month about my hair....sometimes I'd just cry it was so frustrating.    You couldn't tell her that you were having problems as she got defensive and would say "that's what you told me to do"!     I really just tried to emphasize to her that "something" wasn't working and I'd hope for the best every time I sat in her chair.   She could not fix my hair either...I have a lot of hair and I'd go out of her salon with "hair helmet" and I'd run home and re-wash and re-style it which, to me, defeated the purpose of getting my hair "done."   Not to mention the amount of  money I was paying her, it just didn't make sense for me to keep going back, but I didn't have a Plan B so I just kept going to her.



A couple of weeks ago, I found out about a local beautician that was really good at what she did.   She had a Facebook page that showed her "work".    On top of that, she was "friends" with a lot of my friends!   So I went to her for a consult and decided to cancel my already scheduled 5 week appointment with my "old" stylist and see how I liked this new girl.    I loved how she "did" my hair and I made the decision to step out and make a change.    She is local, I don't have to book so far in advance and she works with you on problems I might have once I leave her salon.   In fact, I went back to her the next week so she could show me how she fixed my hair.    Now this salon is a "high end" one but she was able to fit me in with a 2 day notice!    The cost is a little more but the convenience is well worth it to me.

I texted the receptionist at the old salon to cancel my July appointment and got a text back from my original stylist asking if anything was wrong.   She's never contacted me in any way whatsoever so I found that a little odd.    Then she left me a voice mail yesterday....I still haven't cancelled my August appointment but I'm going to.    I don't want to burn any bridges with her because we did become friends over time and I like her as a person.    My daughter and granddaughter still use another stylist at that salon so I don't want things to be uncomfortable for them.  



I'm having a dilemma as to handle my breakup with my original stylist.    My husband says to just tell her that he wants me to use someone in town and that is a little more flexible to get an appointment with.   I'm not good with things like this.    I want to make a "clean" break but still be able to maintain a friendship with her in the event I ever need to go back....does that make sense?  Because why would I go back if I've been unhappy for a while?   See...confused!!

So help a girl out!   How would you handle this situation and what would you say?   I know some folks would say I don't owe her an explanation, just cancel and that would be that.   But I do feel like with the time I have invested with her, I owe her some kind of reply, don't you?  

I'd love any suggestions on how you would handle this sticky situation.   Thanks! 


18 comments:

Angelia W. said...

I had to do this once, but thankfully we live in such a big town, I didn't have to worry about running into her. I think what your hubby said is perfect. It's not lying, and it's not rude, it's just simply letting her know that you need someone that is closer and easier to book. I would think there would be no hard feelings with that. Good luck!

Stacey said...

I would go with your husband's story line. It's partly true and won't hurt any feelings.

I had to break up with my hairdresser once and dadgum if she didn't move to the salon where I started going. Talk about awkward!!

Try not to feel too guilty. Even though we become friends with our hairdressers....they are providing a service and you should be satisfied.

Simply LKJ said...

I have done this before. I went to a salon for quite awhile, but the one stylist I liked moved, so I tried another for awhile at that salon. Well, a new salon opened in our area and I decided to give it a try. I loved the stylist there and loved the way he cut and colored my hair, but like you after a few years something changed. My cut wasn't the same and the color was awful. He would fix it, but truth be told I didn't have time to go back and sit another few hours when that happened. He was doing both of my girls hair as well and REALLY messed up on my oldest's color and cut her hair WAY to short!! (she ended up getting extensions put in at another salon as she hated it so much)...so, we all left. I went back to the old salon, same stylist, same color specialist. They really didn't think anything of it. My stylist is going on maternity leave late August to early December so she recommended another stylist in the salon to use in the meantime. Their salon is all about the customer being pleased. They don't get offended if you choose to use someone else at the salon if you aren't happy with the first.

I agree with Angelia that your husband's idea is perfect. Not a lie, and leaves the door open to your coming back should you choose, but I don't think that will be the case. I know you are taking care of your mom, so that is a factor as well. You need more flexibility in scheduling/canceling. Honest truth.

designchic said...

Oh no, that is the worst. I've been going to the same hairdresser for 11 years and can't imagine telling her I was leaving. Your husband is a smart man- sounds like the perfect solution to me!!

Deserae said...

I have been thru this....twice! The last time was a hairstylist I had been going to for several years. Before I lost my job her salon was 10 minutes from my work. However the salon was an hour from my house and like you I had to schedule my appointments six weeks in advance because she could never fit me in. I continued to go to her for a few years after loosing my job but it was a huge inconvenience since it ate up an entire afternoon. The last straw was when I went to a couple of appointments and she was so hungover that she cut my hair terribly. I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to say. One day I got ready to go to my appointment and my car wouldn't start so I had to cancel the appointment. I didn't reschedule the appointment and told her I would call back after I got my car fixed.....I just never called! I think your husband has the best advice, you won't be lying so there should be no hard feelings. I still haven't found a hair salon I like and it's been a few years......
Good luck!
~Des

Jenny said...

This is so hard! I've had to change salons before for similar reasons but I have NEVER heard of someone calling & texting like this? You would think she's too busy to worry about losing a client if they have to book 5 weeks out?

I agree with Angela. Tell her now that you're retired you want a freer schedule. You have friends who use a salon close to you & you've decided you like the convenience of it.

I would never make an app. 5 weeks out. I usually get up one day & can't take my hair any longer, call & get in within the next week. sometimes even that day. It's bad business to make clients wait that long unless you're a superstar stylist or something.

Kathy D. said...

I agree -- go with the convenience factor -- and if she pushes for another answer just tell her it was time for a change. I have missed your blog -- so glad to see you are back!!!

Jake's a Girl said...

What Jenny & Angela said.

I've had hairdressers that think I owed them my firstborn for the privilege of cutting my hair, and then I've had them that never noticed I stopped being a patron.

I wear my hair short and over the years I've left salon's because I would decide to let my hair grow out. Or because I'd get tired of driving 40-miles round trip for a hair-cut. I would always be upfront and honest about why I was leaving. That way there would be no misunderstanding on either part. The last really good hairdresser became my ex-SIL so that was self explanatory. ;) The salon I go to now is close to home and easy to make an appointment. Not the best of hairdressers but you can't do too much damage to a spiked do as hair always grows.

Yekaterina Haussler said...

If you have to do it - then do it... I agree with the ladies' comments. The only thing is - if she is a friend as well as your (former) stylist, an in-person, face to face break is cleaner and more respectful than just a text. Good luck - and all the best with the new hair stylist. :)

Nancy said...

Ok. I say this as the girl who just broke up with her old stylist by just never calling again. bad I know. but she didn't even notice. ha! no phone call asking where've I been for months, no nothing. ok. for you...since your daughter still goes to that salon...you could either 1) ask her to take one for the team. you did give birth to her right? she owes you! let her tell her. just kidding. 2) just take a sip (or more) of wine one afternoon and call her directly. tell her you cant or don't want to make the trip back and forth and that you found someone two minutes from your house. yes it might break the friendship BUT just be honest (though not hurtful as in telling her she's not good with your hair). to me it just sounds like too much give for not enough get, not getting an appointment when you need it quickly and not being happy with the style enough to where you run home and fix it. make the break as quickly and honestly as you can.

Nancy said...

Ok. I say this as the girl who just broke up with her old stylist by just never calling again. bad I know. but she didn't even notice. ha! no phone call asking where've I been for months, no nothing. ok. for you...since your daughter still goes to that salon...you could either 1) ask her to take one for the team. you did give birth to her right? she owes you! let her tell her. just kidding. 2) just take a sip (or more) of wine one afternoon and call her directly. tell her you cant or don't want to make the trip back and forth and that you found someone two minutes from your house. yes it might break the friendship BUT just be honest (though not hurtful as in telling her she's not good with your hair). to me it just sounds like too much give for not enough get, not getting an appointment when you need it quickly and not being happy with the style enough to where you run home and fix it. make the break as quickly and honestly as you can.

Kelly said...

I've never done an official "break-up" with my hair stylist. I've just not gone back and then that was that. But I wasn't personal friends with them though either. I like what your husband said though. You want to have an excuse that doesn't hurt her feelings.

Katie Clooney said...

Great post, Judy! I broke up with my stylist after a year. When she went to make a future appt. with me, I told her I would call her when I look at my calender. It was such a relief when I left her in the dust!! Good luck!

Katherine said...

Your husband's suggestion is good. Cancel your August appt and then follow his suggestion. It's business. If she was your friend, she would have helped out with schedules when she could in the first tim. Your old stylist may suddenly start to become more flexible, but see how it goes with the new one first.

Fairhope Supply Co. said...

Oh my goodness! I'm getting ready to write an article about something very similar to this. I went to a "quickie" budget place just to avoid all the emotional hassles of a regular hairdresser, and although it's worked out in the past, this time I got BUTCHERED! My hair has never looked worse. I hate the drama of "belonging" to one hairdresser and how they feel entitled to pry into your life and spray their scent on you so no one else can ever touch your hair! - Okay, that was a bit dramatic, but you know what I mean!

Preach it, sister!

Cindy Gwinn said...

I was a stylist for 15 years. Clients got swapped around all the time and we never really minded. Sometimes it was a relief for a client to go to someone else. I wouldn't worry too much about it. If she's booking 5 weeks out it's because she's got the business. If you happen to run into her just be honest and say you're going to someone closer that has more flexibility. I like to get mine done on my lunch hour and my previous salon was in another town so I couldn't go during my lunch. I was honest and told her because we're very good friends. She understood and we're still friends.

Cindy Gwinn said...

I was a stylist for 15 years. We swapped clients all the time. It was never a big deal. Sometimes we were happy to have a client move on. I would cancel the appointment and if you see her again just say that you want more flexibility with scheduling and a shorter drive is a bonus. If she's booking 5 weeks out then she has the business and should understand.

Leiah said...

I would usually book my next appointment 6 weeks in advance while I was there just because that way I knew I had something already scheduled when it looked like I needed a "root canal" (my sister's term for you need your roots done). When you say you were friends, was it the type of friendship where you would do things together or was it more of a professional acquaintance type? If it was the latter, I think your husband's suggestion is spot on. If you were friends with her outside of the salon, you should have been able to tell her anything while you were in her chair and she wouldn't have tried to transfer it back to you. Good luck with your new stylist. My old stylist did my hair for 15 years before I moved here (9 years ago) and still haven't found a stylist that I want to stick with.

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